Learning Priorities

This might not be the first time i am writing about this. I can’t even remember.

Priorities. Some things are more important than others at certain points in time. This is something that some adults struggle with, and something that children have to learn.

Prioritising is a life skill. To know when to do what first is important. It is not only applicable for work. It is applicable to everything we do every day. Basically, there is just a time and place for everything to be done.

So this morning, things just didn’t work out the way they normally do.

My almost 10-year-old daughter, my bookworm, my Phoebie, decided to keep reading and reading when she was supposed to be getting ready for school. By the time we were supposed to leave the house, she was still not done. With a book open next to her shoes, her eyes were glued to the words in the book as she slowly fumbled with her footwear.

By now, I had reminded her more times than i had wanted to, to get ready to leave. So i announced that i was going to leave, opened the gate, called out to my 6-year-old son and told him, “Let’s go, I’m not going to wait.”

As i walked towards the lift lobby, i looked over my shoulder and saw that Phoebie was not leaving yet. She had recalled something she forgot. I walked on. I wasn’t going to wait and was going to do what i said i would; leave.

The lift came and Phoebie was still not at the lobby. I grabbed Breyen by his hand, went into the lift, and pressed 1. In my heart, I couldn’t believe what i was doing. But i knew i had to mean what i had said. (Also, the only other reason i did what i did was because my husband was still at home, and he could lock the door behind me.)

As Breyen and i exited the lift on the ground floor, i glanced at the other lift. It was on our floor upstairs. I knew Phoebie was making her way down.

Just as Breyen and i reached the car park, Phoebie caught up with us. She was quiet, knowing she was in trouble with me.

“What are your priorities in the morning? Is it to read? Or to get ready for school?”, I started. Phoebie was quiet. “There is nothing wrong with reading, but you have to know when to do it,” I continued.

The journey to her school was peppered with my scoldings. She told me that the book was really interesting and she really wanted to read it. “Well,” I said, “I really want to sleep in the morning, so should i just do that? I don’t have to wake up at 6am if i didn’t have to send you to school, you know. So should i just do what i really want to do?”

By now, I knew i wasn’t going to drop her at school in the mood i try to have every day. To me, I should ideally send the kids to school with them feeling love, like they are encouraged, like they have my support to conquer their learning for the day. Well, today was not going to start like that for Phoebie.

But still, I wanted to get the message across to her, that she had to learn to prioritize. She had been enough trouble for not doing that, and today was one of those days that i have had enough.

I gave her instructions for what she had to look out for after school, and dropped her at school. I just needed to clear my head after such a start in the morning.

As i drove to my next destination, my son was quiet. He had heard everything that was going on in the car, and he was quiet.

I brought him to his favourite breakfast place and started talking to him, “Are you okay?” He nodded. “I was worried that you will leave me like you leave jiejie just now,” He finally said. My son had been frightened by what happened.

“I want you to understand that I walked away from Jiejie because I already told her to put the book away, but she was still reading when she was supposed to be getting ready. It’s okay to read, and in fact, reading is good. Do i stop you and Jiejie from reading at bedtime?” I asked him.

“No,” he said softly. “That’s right, because you are reading a bedtime story. But when it’s time to get ready, not not time to be reading,” I told him.

Breyen nodded. (Hopefully) He understood what I said. One settled, now to settle the kid that was scolded in the morning for not prioritising.

This was what greeted Phoebie when I picked her up from school. It had been a long day because she had to stay late in school for her oral examinations.

“Drink your ‘boost’,” I told her, “It’s melting already…”

“Thank you, Mama,” Phoebie said softly.

“Do you know why I got them for you?” I asked her.

“Because you love me…”, she answered.

“Why did I get you a shoe keychain? Think about what happened this morning,” I said.

“You got me this because… you want me to focus… and prioritize. And this morning, I was reading… while wearing my shoes… so this shoe will remind to focus and prioritize what to do,” she answered slowly.

“And what about the drink?,” I asked.

“Because you love me,” she replied.

“Because there is grace even when you make mistakes,” I said.

“Okay, sorry Mama,” Phoebie said.

Now we can finally put a full stop on this episode. I can only pray that she remembers what happened today and learn to prioritize.