While preaching a sermon in church yesterday, my pastor shared about how his young son recently had a bad fall that landed him in the hospital.
After some scans, the doctors found that his son had two fractures on the skull. When my pastor tried to ask his son how he fell, all his son kept saying was sorry. My pastor shared that it was then he felt the Lord speak to him that there was no need to ask what happened. His son’s immediate well being was more important.
Somehow, when my pastor shared this, it brought me back to the time when I had just gotten my driving license. I was in my late teens and was excited to be on the road.
I was driving to meet some friends one rainy day, and because the traffic was heavy, i was trying to change lanes while looking out for the many cars that were stuck at the junction. I had just gotten into an accident a few weeks prior because of carelessness, so I was extra wary.
Alas, just as I was about to change lanes because the next lane was finally clear, I heard a bang. I had bumped into the car in front of me.
Going home after the accident was a treacherous experience because I could already imagine the things my father was going to say. At the same time, I was quite traumatised by the accident because the last thing I saw was the brake lights of the car in front of me flash into my eyes. (I didn’t drive for quite long after that accident and would cringe whenever i had to sit in front.)
As expected, my father went on and on about how careless I was. What got to me the most was when he said, “Why did you go and bang the other car?!”
Finally, I couldn’t hold my words anymore and answered, “Do you think I wanted to bang into that car?”
Hearing my words, my father’s face changed. He stopped berating me and that chapter ended.
I thought about what had happened to my pastor’s son, which left him with serious physical injuries, and about what happened to me, which affected me psychologically.
And then I thought about how my pastor responded to his son, versus how my father had responded to me. And then I asked myself, “What would be more important when accidents happen and my children got hurt?”
While, yes, what happened and how things happened matter because we want our children to learn, but there and then, when our children are hurt, what would matter more?
As a parent, I sometimes find myself very quick to want to get to the bottom of things. And if I found out it was my children’s own undoing, I would say things like, “See, i told you right? Who asked you to do that?” Or things like, “Serve you right. You didn’t listen.”
Yet, as i heard my pastor share about his son’s accident, and when I thought about that accident i had, I couldn’t help but ask myself, “Is it always that important to get to the bottom of things or to find fault when my child is in pain at that moment?”
Probably not. There are some questions that can take secondary importance, because when my child is hurt, what is most important there and then, is the well being of my child. Putting my child through the third degree can wait. Or maybe I don’t even need to do it.
“You don’t fall on people after they have already fallen.”
Mummy Priscilla 