Reflecting on 2018

2018.

In less than 12 hours, this crazy year is going to end and a new year will begin.

I spent more than 4 months this year handling the kids like a single parent while the husBen was away on a course in Australia. Did I struggle? For sure. Did I despise those months? Yes… and a little bit of no. Just a little bit.

It’s amazing that the theme in our church for 2018 was Hesed Wisdom, because it was something i most certainly needed.

I needed grace and wisdom to handle the kids, and to juggle my freelance job as an events emcee while the husBen was away. I needed grace and wisdom to handle the kids as I juggled my service in church as a worship leader in the children’s ministry.

I needed grace and wisdom to decide what to say yes to, and what to reject, even when i didn’t want to.

2018 saw a growth in my freelance work, interestingly, even though I was handling the kids without husBenKoh for quite a long time. I really thank God that my Mother was willing to take care of my kids whenever i had to work.

Because my priority at this point is caring for my kids, I had to reject a number of jobs because the events clashed with my kids’ schedule. A part of me felt disappointed that I couldn’t do those jobs (who doesn’t wanna earn more), but another part of me knew that I had to make a choice.

Nevertheless, i choose to trust God that He will make things happen for me and grow my work at a pace and timing that i will be able to handle both family and work.

We didn’t make any long trips to far away places this year, but interestingly, we had more short trips. While husBenKoh was away, I had my first overseas work trip and hosted an event in Bangkok.

I was blessed to bring my kids and mum for a cruise in June, and when husBenKoh was finally back, we made a short trip to KL in September. Finally, just a couple of weeks ago, we went on our first road trip as a family of 4 to Desaru.

Putting the entire year together, it’s obvious what the Hesed Wisdom for me was. I needed grace and wisdom to handle my kids, especially during the time my husBen was away.

At one point, i thought i had to give up serving in church just because i was handling the kids alone while husBenKoh was away. Turns out, everything was manageable and I simply stayed on to serve. I eventually got my long service award as a church server. It was the first long service award i ever got from anywhere at all.

At one point, i thought I should stop hosting in the months husBenKoh was away because it would be hard to manage the kids and work. But with my mum’s help every now and then, I managed to do more than i thought i could.

Towards the end of the year, I slowly realised what the Hesed wisdom was also for.

With the struggle of managing the kids comes the comments from others about my kids and how i parent them. I’d be lying if i said I wasn’t affected every time someone said something about my kids.

So many times I was tempted to defend my children when someone said something negative about them. Yet at the same time, i knew i shouldn’t because my children were not in their best behaviour and i couldn’t simply justify their actions.

So many times i was tempted to rebut what people say because they don’t know my children like i do, and so they don’t get the parenting choices and methods I subscribe to. Yet at the same time, I knew there was no need to explain why and how i do what i do with my children. I don’t always agree with how other parents their children, but i also know it is not my place to “correct’ them. The same principle of them knowing their own kids applies.

So many times i was so thankful when we meet finally like-minded parents who totally get it that kids are kids and will be kids and do not make judgemental remarks about mine. They get that we do what we do because we don’t want to raise self-entitled brats who think the world has to bend for what they want. And they get that we let our kids rant and whine when they are tired because that is when the kids cannot reason and process logic. They get it that every child is different and not every child is like theirs. And they totally get that kids don’t always get along and it’s totally okay. And that we don’t judge another child just based on a fight the kids have.

Proverbs 21:23
Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.

Proverbs 15:1-2
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.

James 1:19-20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

So how did the Hesed Wisdom apply?

I learnt that people can say they want about my children and my parenting methods, but I don’t necessarily have to defend all this. There is wisdom in holding my tongue. I can still give these people the grace. And people who get it anyway will shower us with grace anyway.

2018 is about to end and 2019 is going to be more exciting. Whatever the new year holds for me and my family, i know we will be blessed.

Have a blessed new year everyone!