The Hormonal Parent

Nope, it’s not a typo. I wrote that – The Hormonal Parent.

To be fair, I don’t know if this applies to the dads, but as a mum, i think it applies to me. A lot.

The thing is, the biological cycle that mums go through is a very real thing, and it is very much part of who we are. At a certain time of the month, we tend to be more irritable (and probably irritating) than usual. We snap at things that may not usually trigger us as much.

But the thing is, how aware are we of this?

This was how I had lunch with Phoebie the other day – she at one table, and I at the next.

It didn’t start out this way. We started lunch at the same table, but as we started a conversation about a certain disciplinary issue, Phoebie started to cry. I didn’t want to end up screaming at her, so i told her I was going to move to the next table till she calmed down.

As i (secretly) looked at her from time to time, I asked myself if i was overreacting. And then it dawned upon me. I was at the certain (most) irritable time of the month. So this issue that i was having with Phoebie may have been less of an issue if it wasn’t the time of the month.

And then i asked myself what i would have done differently. Yet, I concluded that perhaps moving to the table was a wiser decision than staying at the same table. Phoebie calmed down quickly and finished her lunch quietly before she rejoined me at my table and apologised for her behaviour.

If i hadn’t moved to the next time for both of us to calm down, I may have ended up barking (yes, like a mad dog) at her throughout lunch, and making it worse.

This got me thinking about the many times I didn’t manage to walk away from the situations i had with the kids, to allow both the kids and myself to calm down.

I was brought back to the time when Phoebie was around four years old, and her little brother was still a baby. It was less than a year after i had given birth and my hormones were probably all messed up.

I cried at the slightest and sometimes weirdest triggers, and poor Phoebie got a whole load of crap from me. Half the time, I couldn’t really control my emotions and i snapped easily.

It probably sounds like a lame excuse to blame it on hormones, but the thing is, this is real.

Especially in the one year after giving birth, mums are vulnerable and emotional because the hormones that were built up during pregnancy are taking time to be balanced again. (check any post natal website and read it for yourself if you don’t believe me) This is why mums who just give birth are at risk of post natal depression.

I remember this one incident (okay, maybe more than once) when it was dinner time, and Phoebie wasn’t cooperating. She was holding food in her mouth and took ages to eat one spoonful. I got really impatient with her and ended up smacking her on her arm, hard. Meanwhile, my baby Breyen was lying on the play mat, clueless about why his sister was getting smacked and yelled at.

Looking back, if i had been able to recognise that part of my extreme emotions had come from my hormones, and just gave myself some time to walk away and cool down, dinner would probably have been different.

Again, it may sound like an excuse, using hormones as a reason for snapping at and disciplining children in harsher-than-usual manners. But the thing is, being hormonal is part of our biology as mums. So it helps us handle things better when we are more aware of what our bodies are going through.

Next time i catch up myself snapping or being more irritable than usual, I hope I remember to check myself and learn to walk away and calm down.