We all have stress. Whether it’s the full time working parent, or the stay home parent, or the child who is trying to tackle the challenges of learning, or simply trying to figure out right from wrong. And because we all have some form of stress, we all need to find ways to deal with stress.
Adults (I’m assuming) are probably better at that. We can go for a long run, or eat a big feast, or talk to our friends, or even post a venting article on our social media. Whatever we choose to do, we have one avenue or another to deal with stress. (And yes, please deal with your stress. Don’t keep it all in.)
Kids have the need to let off the steam they build up in their little pressure cooker too. But they may not know how to. Some deal with it in the form of a melt down, others may show some attitude.
One of my greatest challenges as a parent is helping my kids deal with stress. Sometimes I think that letting them watch tv or play video games help. But i am also very conscious of the fact that I don’t want them hooked on screen time.
Last night, husBenKoh and I had a chance to deal with learning stress for both our kids. The big kid has not been doing well enough in one of her subjects to work towards the target she had set for herself, and I knew she needed a wake up call.
HusBenKoh took some time to talk to her about what she can do to make a difference working towards her target. As the conversation went on, I observed that the big kid’s face was slowly scrunching up. When husBenKoh was done talking to her, he asked her what she wanted to do.
“I want to go to my room and have a meltdown,” she replied, holding back tears. I knew that she had been trying to hold back her emotions, so I told her, “Go.”
She ran into her room, and from where we were seated at the dining table, we could hear her bawling. I decided that I wasn’t going to talk to her. She needed to let the steam go, and she needed the space to do it.
After a good 10 minutes or so, I called out to the big kid and asked her to take some deep breaths. Soon, she emerged from her room, still sniffing.
“Do you know why I said ‘go’ when you said you wanted to have a meltdown?” I asked. She shook her head.
“It’s because I know that you are feeling stressed and you don’t feel good. It’s okay to want to let it all out,” I explained, “BUT! After you let it all out, you have to learn to calm down too. Life still carries on. Let it out and then find a way to calm down and carry on with what you have to do.”
The big kid reminded me that puberty has started for her, and that she can get emotional at times. (OMG! Puberty already!) To that, I replied, “Yes, but it doesn’t mean that you allow yourself to keep on crying. After you let out your emotions, you have to find a way to calm down. Otherwise you will get sucked into the negative emotion and keep going down.”
After hearing this, the big kid took a few deep breaths, shared a few hugs with me, and slowly calmed down.
Unbeknownst to us, the small kid, who had been sitting with us, studying his Chinese spelling (and probably feeling the stress too), was listening to my entire explanation. So just when I thought things had calmed down, the small kid suddenly said, “Mama, I also need to go and have a meltdown,” and he got out of his chair, ran into the room and started bawling!
HusBenKoh and I looked at each other, not too sure whether we should laugh or cry.
I suppose the good thing is that the small kid understood what we were explaining to his sister and knew it was okay to let go of his emotions if he needed to.
Kids need to let off their pent up steam too. Whether it’s stress from school work, peer pressure, or simply learning what it means to grow up, emotions can build up. I pray that I will always have the wisdom to guide my kids in dealing with their steam, safely and healthily.
“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
John 14:27 NKJV
Mummy Priscilla 