It’s official. We’ve moved our younger child’s sleeping space from our room into our older child’s room. Both our children now share a bedroom.
While some people sleep in separate rooms from their children starting from the stage of infancy, both our children have had their cribs in our room until they were at least two years old. In fact, my older child, Phoebie, shared a room with us until she was three when we finally moved back to our own home.
At that time, I was worried about Phoebie not being able to sleep by herself, but she got the hang of things within a month and was comfortable with sleeping alone in her own bedroom. I was relieved that she got used to it before the arrival of her baby Brother because I didn’t want her to feel like she was “evicted” from our room to make space for the baby.
Fast forward to today, our younger child, Breyen, is a little older than two years and finally been “invited” to share a bed room with his sister. Phoebie had been very excited about this day because we decided to get a bunk bed for them.
It was obvious that Breyen was feeling uncertain about his new bed. So was I.
To make the place look more inviting, I prepared some wall stickers and asked Breyen to help with decorating. Unlike his sister who excitedly pasted her wall stickers meticulously, Breyen wasn’t too interested and walked away from the decorating session.
This night, with the new sleeping arrangement, Breyen insisted that I lay in his bed with him and he tried to fall asleep. We could both hear the excited sister in the upper bunk, tossing and turning, too happy to sleep. Breyen took a long time to fall asleep too. At one point, I have to admit, I was really tempted to scoop him in my arms and bring him back into my room.
Breyen eventually fell soundly asleep in his new bed, in the bedroom that he now shares with his sister. I crept away from him as quietly as I could and watched him as he slept in his big boy bed. Yup, Breyen is a big boy now.
Call me a crazy mum, but I felt a strange urge of sadness as reality set in. My mum always says I’m crazy when I tell Breyen not to grow up so fast. Looking at him sleeping in his new bed, and then at the now empty crib, I couldn’t help but wish I could really slow time down. Before I know it, my son might think it’s “uncool” to hold my hand or to hug and kiss me.
It’s strange that I didn’t feel this way when Phoebie was put in her big girl bed for the very first time, even though I love her as much as I love Breyen. Perhaps it was because I was pregnant at that time and was too busy to feel this way.
Some people may say to me that if I like it so much when my kids are babies, I should just have one more child.
The thing is, it isn’t that simple. For one, conceiving a child isn’t always easy. Breyen was a miracle child to my husband and I. For another, I cannot just keep having more kids just so we always have a baby at home. There are many responsibilities that come with each child we have.
Watching Breyen sleep in his big boy bed, I knew I had to learn to let go. I do not really want to, but I don’t have a choice. Breyen will keep growing and he will eventually go on his adventures without me, just like his sister is doing now. He is a baby no more and he has a lifetime of milestones waiting for him. My responsibility as his mum is to support him to my best abilities so that he can live up to his fullest potentials. The same applies to Phoebie too. She is way past her baby years and is on her way to great adventures ahead and the best thing I can do for her to support her as best as I can.
I can’t hold on to my kids forever.
Watching Breyen sleep in his new bed, I have to remind myself once again to savour and treasure every bit of toddlerhood, because now, he is no longer a baby.