I Got To Romance Me

I can’t be more thankful than this.

In spite of having to work from very early in the morning till late afternoon, the husband came home and told me go out on my own.

“Take the car, go out. Go somewhere you want to go. Just let me know where you are going,” he said, and took the baby from me.

I had been in tears all day before that, frustrated, depressed and tired. I couldn’t help it. Tears just kept rolling.

Before I went out, I decided that I should make myself happier by at least dolling myself up a little. I put on some make up, grabbed my bag, took one more look at the husband and the kids, and left.

The biggest irony was, as much as I wanted time for myself, I didn’t even know where I wanted to go.

I got in the car and started driving. As I drove, I decided to run a couple of errands first. I headed to a mall, grabbed some stuff, got a cup of one of my favourite drinks from Starbucks and started driving again.

Somehow, I ended up at a beach. This beach was filled with my childhood memories. While it has changed a lot, all the memories flooded my mind.

IMG_0696 I stood there, facing the sea and I couldn’t stop crying. I might have been quite a sight for the people that were walking by.

As I stood there, I saw many couples holding hands and strolling by. They probably thought that someone had just broken up with me. Hahaha…

I couldn’t care less about people looking at me though. I couldn’t even control my tears. Tears of weariness, frustration and tears from missing my father, all mixed together.

I walked further and decided to walk on the sand.

IMG_0702 It’s funny how I never even noticed I had tan lines on my feet. I realised then, that I really hadn’t had much time to care about myself lately. Suddenly, I felt so sorry that I hadn’t been treating myself better.

I walked to a log on the beach and sat down. Families were having fun in the water and on the sand. I felt odd again. My husband and kids were at home while I was there at the beach by myself. “No,” I told myself, “Focus for a while… On me.”

IMG_0703 A father who was teaching his daughter how to use a fishing rod to fish caught my attention. It was nice seeing the father spend time teaching his daughter something.

Somehow, tears rolled down my cheeks again. I missed my father. He loved fishing. We used to go on fishing trips as a family nearby that beach. It’s been almost a year since my father passed away and I miss him.

With the sea breeze in my hair, I suddenly felt like I was being a little crazy, using my me-time to sit and cry at the beach. Deep down, though, I knew it was a much needed release of my emotions.

“Alright, enough,” I told myself.

I dried my tears and got up.

There were quite a few things that I saw were beautiful at this beach. I decided to do what I love and miss doing – take photos. I didn’t have my DSLR with me, so my camera phone would have to do.

IMG_0816

IMG_0817

IMG_0818 It felt nice to be able to do what I love. No need to run after kids, just for those few moments. It felt nice to have time to capture what my eyes wanted to.

Even though it wasn’t a conventional Valentine’s Day, I’m happy. The time I had to romance myself and love myself is far more valuable and precious than what money can buy.

Thank you, husband, for loving me enough to “chase me out” to spend time by myself, for me to have time to love myself. Thank you for having the confidence to watch the kids by yourself and letting me have a break. Best Valentine’s Day present received.

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