It’s the day of love, the day of celebrating love, whether with a partner, a spouse, a boyfriend, a girlfriend or just someone that is important and dear to you.
I woke up this morning, to a feverish baby who has not been in his best health for the past month. On top of that, he is at what I think is the peak of his separation anxiety. I cannot be away from him for long.
I walk into the living room to get his medicine and almost miss what my husband has done.
While I appreciate the thoughts and the effort, I felt no immense joy.
My daughter woke up a few moments later and started her Saturday routine of taking her own sweet time to do everything. She proceeds to whine and kick a fuss when I say it’s time to get ready for dance class.
As I write this, my daughter is in her dance class, red-eyed from her morning tantrums. The still-feverish baby is trying to fall asleep in the baby carrier as I sway from side to side.
What do I want for Valentine’s Day?
I want time. I want time to be alone. I want time to be able to love me.
I want time away from my children whom I love dearly and will do anything for. I want time away from the baby whom no one else can take care of for a whole day. I want time away from the baby whom my mum would help me with for 2.5 hours and start to ask me what time I am coming back for him. I want time away from the baby whom, because he is not well, uses me as a human pacifier/pillow/mattress/bolster/comforter.
I want time away from the little girl who started me off as a stay-at-home-mum. I want time away from the little girl who whines and kicks a fuss even after a countdown down was given. I want time away from the little girl whom takes forever to eat her meals. I want time away from the little girl whom never fails to remind me how much she loves me even when I yell at her when she misbehaves.
I want time away from the husband who works really hard to provide for the family. I want time away from the husband who has to work late while the kids drive me nuts at home. I want time away from the husband whom I can see is also sleep deprived but still has time to play on his PS3. I want time away from the husband who always buys supper for me when he comes home late from work.
I want time away from the family I love so dearly and would give the world for. I want time away from the family I cook for almost every night. I want time away from the family I have to take care of even when I am sick.
I don’t want expensive gifts, flowers, or a fancy meal.
I want time away from everything. I want time, so that I can love me.
And I don’t need a lot of time to love me. Just a little bit will do.
Because after I am done loving me, I want to come back and love this husband, this little girl and this baby again.
That’s what I really want for Valentine’s Day.