This morning was crazy!!
I had planned to go for the Motherhood Exhibition at the Singapore Expo, so I wanted to make sure everything was done on time. I thought I had enough time to do everything because I was up early and Phoebie woke up on time.
Phoebie was all washed up and changed and I even had time to tie her hair in fancy braids. I then set her breakfast down on the table and she agreed she would eat on her own while I got changed and changed Breyen too.
Alas, while changing Breyen, he would pee and stop and pee and stop and pee again, catching me off guard each time! He was also pooping a LOT, so I had to change him multiple times. The changing took a lot more time than I expected and when I checked the time, we were almost late for Phoebie’s school bus.
When I finally got Breyen ready, Phoebie was barely half way through her breakfast because she got distracted by her toys. So… I snapped.
I started yelling at her, asking her why she was not done with breakfast despite my multiple reminders to eat while I was getting ready. I then told her to go potty before we left the house, and she just sat on the floor crying. That made me even more furious and I told her perhaps I should call the school bus driver and say she wasn’t going to school. She cried even louder, saying no.
This went on for what felt like eternity, until I couldn’t take it. I brought her into the bathroom and continued scolding her for not doing what she was told. I told her that from tomorrow onwards, she would not be allowed to play with her toys in the morning.
Phoebie knew I was furious and started apologizing. I then asked her why she couldn’t do things when I told her nicely and had to wait until I got angry.
Deep down, I felt bad for screaming at Phoebie because it wasn’t entirely her fault. Breyen’s multiple diapers change took up some time too. Yet, at the same time, I wanted her to know that she could have done what she was told faster and earlier. She had been quite trying lately and had a tendency to stomp her feet and throw hissy fits when things didn’t go her way.
I know she is still adjusting to having a baby brother and having to share the attention from Ben and I, and I don’t want her to feel that Breyen has replaced her.
When we left the house to go to the pick-up point for Phoebie’s school bus, I cooled myself down and told Phoebie I was sorry for yelling at her. I asked her if she liked it when I was angry and yelling, and she said no.
I then asked her if she could do things when I told her nicely instead of waiting until I got angry, and she nodded.
This most likely won’t be the last time that something like this happens, and it is certainly very patience-testing. I’ll have to find and learn more ways to balance discipline and helping Phoebie adjust to the fact that she is no longer an only child. I’m just thankful that I have not laid my hands on Phoebie in a fit of anger.
I can only pray for strength and wisdom in this.