If there’s anything I’ve learnt in the past few months, it’s that being pregnant while having to look after a 3 year old is no walk in the park.
My first trimester was highly “decorated” with giddiness and nausea daily, thanks to the surge in hormone levels in my body. Not sure how it affects me, but the weekly jabs I have to take at my gynae’s clinic got me a little frustrated too. Frustrated because I have to travel all the way down every week to get my jabs and the jabs are really painful.
While I know the jabs were prescribed to help me stabilize the pregnancy, (no) thanks to having lost a pregnancy before, it was still a little hard to accept. Especially when weekly checkups meant chalking up a lot of medical bills.
Besides the weekly jabs, I was also especially nauseous this time. I didn’t remember being this nauseous when I was pregnant with Phoebie and with Billie. Although I have read that nauseousness can be a sign of a healthy pregnancy, it didn’t feel nice going through it. I “hugged” the toilet bowl and threw up more than I did in my previous pregnancies too.
What made me feel the worst was when Phoebie wanted me to play with her but I just didn’t have the energy to. I needed to lie down a lot to cope with the nausea. Some days, the hormonal mood swings got the better of me and Phoebie was in the path of my “wrath”. Poor girl.
I must say that I’m really thankful to still be staying at my parents’ place during this time. It wasn’t intentional and this arrangement was more for Phoebie’s school schedule, but it certainly worked out. When I needed to lie down and couldn’t give Phoebie as much attention, my parents would step in and that helped foster the bond between grandparents and granddaughter.
Phoebie didn’t quite understand about the baby at first. Even though we have been reading this book called “I’m A Big Sister” to her for months, it probably didn’t feel real to her. We can’t blame her because she can’t see the baby.
That is, until we brought her along when I did my Oscar screening. I had planned to bring her because I wanted her to feel more involved and to understand why she couldn’t bounce on Mama.
(I don’t have photos because we weren’t allowed to take any but) Phoebie was truly amazed by what she saw on the screen. She was curious and wanted to talk to the baby. Of course, she also wanted to explore the room where the scan took place. But ever since showing her what was going on inside her Mama, she seemed to understand a lot more. It probably helped that the baby responded to her talking and bounced when she asked the baby to cooperate.
This was one of those days when Phoebie was so sweet, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She was watching “Word World” on the iPad and said she wanted to show Didi too (our gynae said the baby is most likely a boy).
Seeing Phoebie’s little hand on my tummy, asking innocent questions like “Didi is swimming inside your tummy right?”, it feels amazing and even though it’s not the easiest thing to be pregnant while looking after an energetic 3 year old, it’s worth it, knowing Phoebie will soon have a sibling to love and hold.
I’d be lying to if I say I don’t have the what-ifs in my mind all the time. What if… What happened to Billie happens? What if… Oh… All the what-ifs…
I can only pray and keep counting every day of carrying this baby as a blessing.