I went to see a counsellor at my church today. It’s something that I have been wanting to do but have been pushing back for a while.
A lot has happened in the past year and while I have been behaving like I can handle things, I knew deep down that I needed help. Unfortunately, for some reason, I haven’t been able to articulate that to the people who care about me.
Facing the loss of a dear friend, the loss of my own child, the loss of a mentor, the relapse of my Dad’s cancer a few times now, handling relationships with my family plus the nitty gritty bits of life all in one year, I think I was beginning to see that I would crack if I didn’t seek help soon.
The meeting with the counsellor opened flood gates that I have been shutting for a long time, even to my husband. Because it is a church-based session, we prayed together and even looked at portions of the bible together. In some areas, the session helped me have a fresh revelation of how I have been handling things. In others, I will really need to try and make some shifts in how I think.
Ben happened to be on leave from work today and I told him that I would like to have some alone after the session. So I would only meet Phoebie and him at dinner time.
I went to a cafe and sat by myself for about 1.5 hours.
I took time to taste the cake instead of simply eating. I took time to smell the tea and taste every herb and berry that was in there. I challenged myself with not looking at my phone too much and simply listen to the cars go by. It felt great to just do that.
There are some things that are going to take time for me to learn, but at least for now, I have dealt with some emotions that have been buried hard and deep.
Finally allowing myself to be broken and to ask for help, I know I can only grow from here, and be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.