That’s Phoebie at almost 3 months. Don’t you

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That’s Phoebie at almost 3 months. Don’t you just feel like biting those chubby cheeks? Hahaha… She gained weight pretty well but at the same time, wasn’t too bulky.

Up until we made a move to the US in 2011, my facebook was plastered with Phoebie’s photos almost every day. Well, it still is now but I would like to think that I did it a lot more often back then. I mean, who can resist taking pictures of this little munchkin who would actually look at the camera and smile when she was only a few months old.

 

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Phoebie attended her first wedding at 3 months old. It was the wedding of my Godbrother, Andrew and his beautiful wife, Marian. Phoebie obviously didn’t know what was going on at that time.

 

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Here’s Phoebie’s first dance with her Papa. I wonder what it will be like when they dance at Phoebie’s wedding.

Bringing young babies or children to weddings can be rather stressful. I remember praying super hard that Phoebie would sleep through the ceremony so that she didn’t spoil the most important day of someone’s life. If she made a little whimper, I was quick to shush her and rock her. Thankfully, Phoebie was cooperative and slept through the whole ceremony. The only time she was awake was probably during the Praise and Worship part. Thereafter, I quickly latched her on and put her to nap.

A wedding is probably a good reason to dress up, go for a function and have fun. But of course, as a SAHM, most of the time, I am at home.

I remember that prior to going to the US, I spent almost every single day at home.

Firstly, I wasn’t confident of bringing Phoebie out alone. I would quietly panic whenever Phoebie was fussy. Quietly panic because I didn’t want people around to know that I was panicking. Even though bringing a breast-fed baby out can be easy, especially since she was fed latched on, I only had to bring her diapers and my nursing shawl when we went out. But still, I wasn’t confident. Maybe it was also a first-time mother thing too. Worried that the baby wouldn’t nap when we were out, worried that while she napped, any sudden loud noise may wake up, worried about this, worried about that.

Secondly, I must honestly say, I felt very safe and comfortable at home. Sure, I was home alone with a little baby and other than chores, feeding, changing diapers and coaxing the baby to nap, there wasn’t much to do. But I enjoyed and still enjoy having the luxury of simply being at home. Everything I need is at home. Plus, there is no one to tell me what to do or not to do with the way I took care of my baby. That is, until someone comes to visit.

This brings me to one of the most horrible days of my life as a SAHM. It was a typical weekday and while the husband was at work, I was home with Phoebie. My Mum came over to visit and to see how I was doing. I know my Mum means well and has no ill intentions, but sometimes, I really wished she had trusted me more with the way I took care of Phoebie.

My Mum arrived at my place shortly after I had just fed Phoebie. Phoebie, being the cranky pants that she was that day, was extra fussy. I knew she was tired because she was due for a nap. My Mum started saying it could be that Phoebie was hungry and kept asking me to feed her. I told my Mum that I had just fed Phoebie and what she wanted was to sleep. My Mum spent the next hour insisting that her granddaughter was hungry and that I should feed her, and little miss cranky pants spent the next hour crying. That hour was pure torture for me and when I couldn’t take it anymore, I told my Mum that I would feed Phoebie but she would have to leave first. I guess, to a certain extent, the post-natal blues had kicked in during that hour and I knew if my Mum didn’t leave at that time, I would probably go bonkers.

My Mum finally gave in and left my place. The moment the door closed, I broke down. I couldn’t stop crying and didn’t understand why I couldn’t stop. I called my husband and he was shocked at how I was and told me to try and relax until he was able to come home from work. Looking back, I realise how scary post-natal blues can be and how it can happen out of nowhere. I remembered I had read somewhere that Women who are within the first year of giving birth to a child are at high risk of getting post natal depression, and that episode really frightened me. So some extent, I am really thankful that we lived by ourselves when Phoebie was born. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if someone were to keep telling me what to do with my baby when I knew I had already done what he/she said.

At that point, I also understood how important it was to surround myself with supportive people and people who would understand what I was going through, not only as a first time mum, but also as a SAHM. Mutual support is important because I will know that I am not alone in the challenges I face and that the challenges were not unique to me. Other SAHMs face some of the issues and challenges I face too, and sometimes, perhaps trying their ways of dealing with things instead of wallowing in my post natal pity party would help me feel much better.

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